Hey, are these my hangers?

Yesterday my nineteen year old moved out. Teenager #1 had already been tired of living here with all of her siblings and her perceived lack of privacy. She had "outgrown" her need for rules and decided it was time to be on her own. She was going to move out a few months earlier because she wanted a nose ring and we didn't. She proudly took me to the place she would call home. I was shocked! I thought I had raised my daughter to have at least a little discernment. Not only was this a dangerous neighborhood, but this was a dangerous neighborhood.

As we drove away she asked what I was thinking and all I could say was, "I am wondering why the nose ring is more important and favorable then the clean, safe, large, rent-free home we have provided for you.

She changed her mind. So here we were just a couple of months later. This time she was moving in with the same girlfriend and another roommate, into the type of apartment that many of us lived in when we were still young and ridiculously poor. As we packed her few things and moved her across town I had the time to reflect on this major moment in my life. This was no small event. I was supposed to be sad, wasn't I? I was supposed to thinking back on my moments holding her when she was a tiny baby. But, I wasn't. Instead I was thinking things like, "Are those my hangers?" and "Is she taking any extra towels?" As I write this I am remembering bringing her home from the hospital and holding her on my chest. I was alone and I thought, "I am never getting up again. I am going to hold her forever." That was shortly before I had to go to the bathroom. When I was moving her I didn't think of that time. I thought of the recent arguments. I thought of all of the conversations that started with, "Everyone I talk to says that you guys are being ridiculous. No nineteen year olds have curfews!" Now, I really don't believe her, and more importantly, I don't care if it is true. What matters to me is that my daughter is safe and can be a productive member of society. Following rules, even rules that you don't agree with, lead to that end.

I love my daughter very much and I even miss her, but now, each time that we see each other I feel our relationship getting better. We always had a good relationship, but she has a much stronger personality than I do and laid-back people like me find type-A people like her overwhelming. I believe that in our relationship, absence really will make the heart grow fonder.